Many people have experienced a situation where they felt hurt, betrayed or harmed by someone you know or a complete stranger. When someone has caused you profound harm, what form can forgiveness take for you, and does it mean forgetting?
Forgiveness is not about forgetting or letting them "win". It is about removing the weeds in your life left as a result of the event or situation. It is about allowing yourself to create a space where you can plant new trees that will bear fruit that you wish for and not that of weeds that spread. Forgiveness is not about the perpetrator but the victim, so that they can live, breathe and enjoy. It is known that weeds are super-seeders. One plant (event) can produce tens of thousands of seeds (repeated anger, sadness, tears, bitterness, and pain). These weeds are easily spread by wind, birds, or animals, surviving in the soil for decades and germinating whenever conditions are right. The same can be said about unforgiveness. The weeds from unforgiveness can be spread by additional events or situations, and the feelings of bitterness, anger, pain and sadness can survive for decades, germinating whenever they are triggered by another event and another.
Forgiveness does not extend to just another person but also to yourself. It frees you from a life of shame, guilt, anger and many more things that come with anything that has harmed you. Making wrong decisions is part of life, but there are circumstances that one does make a choice to invite into their life. Some events are simply hard to forgive, and that is OK. If you cannot forgive, then it may become about the bond of power the event has over you now.
A life filled with consistent negative emotions robs you of energy, joy and presence in the now.
When I reflect on the feelings of anger, pain or bitterness, what circumstances or persons come to mind?
What is holding onto this resentment costing me in terms of my energy, happiness, and peace of mind?
Can I understand the mindset of the person who hurt me without excusing their actions? What circumstances might have influenced their behaviour? Although not right, do the circumstances serve as an explanation rather than an excuse?
Is this about justice?
Can I be around them, and if so, what boundaries do I need in place to protect me?
What have I learnt about me, the person and the event? How can I use the experience to make more self-aware choices going forward?
How has the experience changed me, and what false beliefs may have been created from the situation?
Sometimes there is no closure, so what closure can I give myself?
I hold an inner child who has become a girl, a woman and a mother, shaped by the stories I have lived and the questions I am not afraid to ask myself. I have learnt to value honesty, not with the world, but honesty I can give myself. I seek quiet moments of reflection and the courage to grow, no...
Many people have experienced a situation where they felt hurt, betrayed or harmed by someone you know or a complete stranger. When someone has caused you profound harm, what form can forgiveness take for you, and does it mean forgetting?
The importance series will draw attention to simple constructs, which while seemingly basic, have their important purpose. The blog is not to tell you what you know; it is to get you thinking about whether or not these are things you are putting in place for yourself.
